


I'll Still Be Me

by ItIsWhatItIs9194



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Angst, BDSM, Collars, Disabled Character, Disabled Harry, Discipline, Doctor Louis, Dom/sub, Domme!Gemma, M/M, Past Abuse, Punishment, Spanking, Sub!Niall, dom!Louis, dom!liam, harry has cerebral palsy, past emotional abuse, sub!Harry, sub!zayn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-20 20:12:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9511355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItIsWhatItIs9194/pseuds/ItIsWhatItIs9194
Summary: The 18-year-old wouldn't have been as nervous if it weren't for his disability. What if his Dom rejected him because of his limitations?Or, where disabled submissive Harry gets matched to Dominant Louis.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! 
> 
> Two new fics in one day... I am crazy. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it, and maybe gain some knowledge about disabilities and CP! :)

Harry was going to die.

He was.

Okay, maybe he wasn't going to die, but he definitely was going to throw up. Really, he was. He was so unbelievably nervous that his already weak legs were wobbling even more than they usually do, and his breaths were coming out labored.

He and his mum had just arrived at the Matching Centre, where Harry was going to go inside and take a test given by the government. From there, his perfect match Dominant would meet with him and take him home if he wished. Because Harry was a submissive, he couldn't reject his Dom, so he hoped and prayed he received a decent one.

The 18-year-old wouldn't have been as nervous if it weren't for his disability. Harry had cerebral palsy, which rendered the muscles in his legs extremely weak. He used arm crutches to walk because of this, and he kept a wheelchair at home just in case his legs were ever too tired to move himself around. Since being a submissive can be difficult when you have a physical disability, Harry was scared his Dom might reject him simply because of that. He desperately hoped he'd be given the chance to explain himself and his disability if his Dom didn't understand.

“Mum,” Harry groaned, his pronunciation a bit hard to make out due to his CP, “don't want to go in.” The boy covered his face with his hands.

“Baby,” Anne began from the driver’s seat next to her son, “you'll be fine. If your Dom decides to reject you because of your disability, he doesn't deserve you. Okay?”

Harry nodded, uncovering his face. “Okay,” he agreed, huffing out a breath. “Just wish you could go in with me,” he complained petulantly, sticking his bottom lip out in a pout.

Anne sighed. “I'm sorry, sweetie, but you know that's not allowed,” she said sadly. “Now, let's get your crutches and I'll walk you inside.”

Harry had been anticipating this day for eight years. When every child was ten, they found out if they were a Dominant or a submissive at their checkup. Dominants develop a red circle on their wrist on their tenth birthday, while submissives develop a black circle on their wrists on their birthday.

It's always quite obvious whether a child will be a Dom or a sub simply based on their behaviour even before they turn ten years old, so Anne had known for awhile that her son was a submissive. Her other child, Gemma, had presented as a Dominant and had gotten matched with a sweet, happy boy called Niall five years ago. While submissives were required, by law, to get matched with a Dominant when they turned 18, Dominants got matched when they were 22.

Anne opened the door to the building once she and Harry had arrived right outside. “I love you, Harry,” she said weakly, trying not to get too emotional. Her baby boy was finally getting matched, and after him, she wouldn't have anymore children living at home. The thought made her tear up. “Be polite and respectful, as you always are. I'll see you when he brings you home,” she added, leaning in to give her boy a one arm hug before she let him go.

“I love you, too, mum,” Harry replied, smiling sweetly and making his way inside the intimidating building.

He took a deep breath, already feeling fatigued from the walk from the parking lot to the building. Once he'd regained his energy, he headed over to the front desk, where he was greeted by a young, sub woman. “Hi! Are you here to take your matching test?” she asked enthusiastically, to which Harry nodded. “Alright,” she said, typing on her computer. “Name and date of birth, please.”

“Harry Edward Styles; February first, 1994,” he answered as clearly as he could, and she typed the information into the computer. He was thankful she didn't say anything rude about his disability.

“Ah, here we are,” she said. “You are, indeed, due to take your matching test. Follow me and we'll get you started,” she told him, grabbing a packet and some pencils. She led him down what seemed like multiple hallways before they stopped in front of a room. The woman unlocked the door and held it open for him, a frown setting on her features when she realized how out of breath he seemed. “You alright, sweetheart?” she asked, concerned. “Would you like some water?”

Harry nodded. “Please,” he said, setting his crutches down against the table in the room and taking a seat. He laid his head down on the table while she grabbed a bottle of water, trying to regain his composure. He knew he must look like a proper impolite submissive, but his health was important as well.

“Here you go, sweetie,” the woman said sweetly, unscrewing the cap and handing Harry the bottle. “I'll leave your test and pencils here, along with your water, and you can begin when you feel ready,” she informed him. “Just knock on the door when you're finished. Make sure to answer every question, and answer them honestly — no matter how embarrassing they may be.” With that, she exited the room, leaving Harry to take the very test that would determine his fate.

Taking a deep breath, Harry broke the seal on the test and grabbed a pencil, filling in his name before beginning to read the first question.

What does your ideal relationship with your Dom consist of? it read. Harry furrowed his brows in thought before he wrote, wanting his answer to be perfect. He wrote about how he wanted a strict but caring Dom, who loved and took care of him the way he needed, and one who accepted and understood his disability. His answer described his dream Dom, and he only hoped he could receive one just like that.

The questions became more personal as he moved on, asking him his greens and reds, and what his sexual orientation was. Harry was very careful when he filled out his greens and reds list, because he didn't want to have so many reds that no Dom wanted him, but he didn't want to mark activities he knew would be difficult for him to do as green. He ended up marking quite a few as yellow, hoping desperately that his Dom would be willing to discuss them with him.

His hand was killing him by the time he’d finished, and he almost felt too lazy to stand up and go knock on the door as the woman had requested he do. He wished she’d given him a better option considering his limitations, but he had come to realize that most able-bodied people didn't think about ways to make disabled people’s lives easier. He didn't blame them, really, because he knew of he wasn't disabled he'd most likely do the same. Plus, the woman had been nice.

He sat for a couple minutes after he'd finished the test, before he stood up with his crutches and knocked on the door. Within seconds, the woman arrived and took the test from him with her same kind smile from earlier, instructing him to go back to his chair and wait until they'd matched him with a Dom and called him up.

While he waited, he anxiously bit at his fingernails and ruffled his hair, the thought of getting a Dom that didn't want him making him squirm. He figured the woman would at least tell his potential Dom before he entered the room and talked to Harry that he was physically disabled, but he wasn't expecting the man to know much at all. No one did, except him.

He bowed his head immediately when he heard the door creak open, wanting to show the utmost respect for his potential Dom.

The Dom took a seat in front of him on the other side of the table before he spoke. “You may look at me,” he said softly, setting what looked to be a copy of Harry's test down on the table in front of him.

Hesitantly, Harry followed orders and looked up. He was pleasantly surprised when he was greeted with bright blue eyes and a lovely smile. His potential Dom was very handsome. Harry blushed but kept quiet, not sure if he should speak or not.

The man smiled sweetly at Harry. “My name is Louis Tomlinson, and I'm going to be your Dom,” he said happily, reaching a hand out for Harry to shake.

Harry's eyebrows furrowed, but he shook Louis’ hand, not wanting to be rude. “You're keeping me?” he asked confusedly. His hands covered his mouth in surprise at what he'd let slip out of his mouth, horrified. “I–I’m sorry, Sir,” he added quickly, lowering his head.

Louis tipped the boy’s chin up with his fingers. “It's okay — you don't need to apologize,” he reassured. “But, to answer your question: yes,” he said with a kind smile. “I'm keeping you.”

Harry spluttered. “Why?” he asked. “I — my legs don't work very well,” he explained dejectedly. “I didn't think anyone would want me.”

“Harry,” Louis began, “I'm in medical school. I understand cerebral palsy, and I believe I'll be able to take care of you and Dom you safely,” he explained. “Is that okay with you?” he asked seriously.

Once again, this man was shocking Harry. First, he didn't reject him; then, he didn't scold him for his rudeness of blurting out; and finally, he asked him for his approval in their relationship.

“Of course,” Harry agreed with a nod. “I’d love that. I'm surprised someone actually wanted me,” he said and let out a humorless laugh.

“I want you,” Louis said with a nod of his head. “Alright?”

“Yes, Sir,” Harry replied easily. He was already starting to feel comfortable around his new Dom, and he was unbelievably thankful that the man understood his disability the best that he could. That was a major weight lifted off his shoulders.

Louis smiled. “I just would like to discuss some necessary things with you before I take you to my house,” he said, opening Harry's test booklet.

“Yes, Sir,” Harry agreed, doing his best to pay attention.

“You already know all the rules expected of you as a submissive, which include no lying, no disrespect, no masturbating without permission, no orgasming until granted permission, no watching porn, etc, but I’d like to add to these,” the Dom told the boy. “Let's start with honesty. I want you to be honest with me about your emotions, because your health is important to me. This one just extends the ‘no lying’ rule,” he explained, writing the rule on the list in front of him. “You've been doing a good job of this one already, but I'd like you to address me as ‘Sir’ at all times as well. The final one I'll add is always use your colours when needed, no matter what's going on or where we happen to be. Okay?”

“Yes, Sir,” Harry replied politely.

“Good boy,” Louis praised, smiling at Harry and ruffling his curls, making Harry giggle and blush even more. “Would kneeling be too difficult for you?” he asked, figuring the answer would be yes but wanting to check and make sure before he assumed anything about Harry's disability.

Harry bit his lip, knowing he had to be honest. He really didn't want to disappoint his Dom by saying kneeling would be too hard for him, but he didn't want to disappoint him by lying, either. “Yes, Sir,” he decided to answer honestly. “My legs wouldn't be able to stand being on the floor like that.”

The Dom nodded in understanding. “That's perfectly okay, Harry, don't worry,” he assured the boy. “We just won't have you kneel. How about you simply bow your head in place of kneeling? You know when to kneel, yeah?”

“Yes, Sir,” the sub agreed with a nod. “I kneel before you in public or when I'm about to be disciplined. Bowing my head works fine.”

“Right,” Louis replied, marking kneeling as a red on their list. “I think for collaring I'll have you wear a loose one, due to your breathing difficulties. Don't want to hurt you,” he informed him, marking that note down as well.

Harry smiled; his Dom was being so thoughtful and thinking about anything and everything that could possibly happen. He already knew they were a perfect match — he couldn't wait to tell his mum and sister, and Niall.

“For spankings, we’ll just find an easier, more comfortable position,” Louis said, making Harry turn beet read. The thought of being spanked didn't sound pleasant at all, but he knew it was necessary and common in Dom/sub relationships. “How about on your stomach?” he suggested.

“Sounds good, Sir.”

“Alright, perfect,” Louis said, writing that note down as well. He looked at his watch and gasped. “I've been gone longer than I thought — we should be heading to my house now. Ready?” he asked the boy, stuffing the packet in his bag and handing Harry his crutches.

Harry thanked him and followed him out of the room, eager to see his Dom’s home where he'd move into the next day.

He knew it would be hard, but he couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life with his Dom. The sub smiled to himself on the drive there, the fact that he got an accepting Dom making him extremely happy.

The sub couldn't have been more thankful for his match.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! I couldn't believe the reaction this fic received on just the first chapter! 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy the second one! :)

When Louis and Harry got out of the Dom’s car at the man’s flat building, he gave Harry his crutches and watched carefully and overprotective while the boy hopped out of the car easily just as he always did. The sub had learned his own ways to do things, and he knew he would be okay.

Harry laughed. “I'm fine, Sir,” he reassured the worried looking man. “I've been doing it that way for years.”

“I know, I know,” Louis said with fake exasperation. “Just scares me.”

“You're not my mum,” Harry said with a chuckle, following Louis up the pathway to the tall, nice looking building.

Louis laughed as well. “In a way, I guess I am,” he commented with a smirk. “Gonna take care of you, discipline you, love you …” he trailed off, a glint of what looked a little bit like mischief but also excitement and benevolence flashed in his eyes.

The sub blushed, avoiding Louis’ gaze, suddenly becoming shy and meek. He felt small, standing next to his big, powerful Dom.

Louis switched the subject, most likely not wanting to show too much PDA, although it was generally accepted by most.

“Thank goodness there's no stairs to get here,” Louis breathed a sigh of relief when the couple reached his flat building. “Stairs would be difficult for you, wouldn't they?” he asked curiously, opening the door and holding it open for Harry. The last thing he wanted to do was assume anything about Harry's limitations and abilities.

Harry thanked him before answering. “Yes, Sir. They're pretty hard for me to do,” he replied, crutching inside the building. “But I could do them,” he quickly added, wanting to please his Dom.

Louis shook his head in denial. “No, Harry,” he began, holding Harry's chin with his fingers, wanting to see the boy's eyes. “You don't ever have to force yourself to do something you can't do, don't want to do, or that’s too hard for you because of your disability. Okay?”

The sub nodded his assent. “Okay, Sir,” he said, biting his lip uncertainly. He knew Louis was only trying to protect him, but he didn't exactly want his Dom to coddle him and treat him differently because of his CP. He thought of himself as normal, because he was. The only different thing about him was that he had some limitations, and that was okay.

“What's wrong?” Louis asked immediately. He had seen Harry's somewhat hesitant expression, and he didn't like it; he wanted the boy to never hesitate if he had a question or needed something.

“It's—it's nothing,” Harry assured his Dom, forcing his chin out of the man’s firm but gentle grip and looking to the floor out of shyness. Until then, he'd nearly forgotten they were still standing in the lobby of Louis’ flat building and didn't have privacy just yet.

“Don't turn away from me, please,” Louis ordered softly. “I want your eyes up here.” The man pointed to his own set of blues. “What was it that you were going to tell me?”

Harry obeyed, staring into Louis’ eyes anxiously. He wished he hadn't had this thought, but he couldn't — and wouldn't — lie to his Dom. “I just don't really …” he paused, trying to think of the most respectful way to express his thoughts to the man. “I like and appreciate that you're concerned for me, but would it be okay if I tell you when something is hard for me, instead of you asking?”

At the confused look on Louis’ face, Harry elaborated some more. “It sounds weird, but um, people think I can't do anything for myself sometimes, and it hurts, you know?”

“Oh Harry,” Louis said sadly. “I'm so sorry. I never intended to do that,” he apologized profusely.

“It's okay, Sir,” Harry said, smiling sweetly.

“I promise you I'll do my best to avoid that,” he told the boy. “I admit it may be a bit hard, because it's only in my instincts as your Dominant to protect you, but I will try. For you.”

“Thank you so much, Sir.” The sub grinned once more, allowing his dimples to show themselves.

“Cutie,” Louis commented, teasingly poking one of Harry's dimples, which made the sub giggle and his smile grow bigger. “Let's head upstairs, shall we?”

“Yes, Sir,” Harry agreed with a nod, steadying himself on his crutches once more and following Louis closely.

There was a cheery looking woman sitting at the front desk, wearing a large smile on her face as she waved to Louis and Harry. “Hi, Louis!” she greeted excitedly.

Louis waved back eagerly. “Hey, Lacey!” he replied, heading towards her desk, but not before he whispered in Harry's ear, asking him if he was okay to stand for a couple minutes longer. When Harry said he was fine and repeated the statement at the stern look in Louis’ eyes, saying, ‘don't you lie to me or I will find out,’ Louis nodded and spoke to his friend.

“Who's this?” Lacey asked nicely, looking at Harry with a large smile. “Your little sub?” she guessed, smirking at Louis then.

The Dom laughed in delight. “Yes, this is my submissive, Harry,” he introduced. “Harry, this is Lacey. She works the desk and watches the building for us.”

“Nice to meet you,” Harry said quietly, twiddling his thumbs nervously. Although he had his arms in his crutches, they didn't always require his hands for support when he was simply standing and not used his energy to walk.

“Aw, he's adorable, Louis,” she squealed, directing her attention to the Dom once more.

The way she spoke irked Harry, though he felt a bit bad that he thought that. He disliked how she screeched and squealed at him like he was a little boy, and the fact that he wasn't sure what was causing her to behave that way bothered him. He'd been through times like these often, where he'd get talked down to like he was mentally impaired or a little kid, or like he couldn't do anything for himself. However, subs were treated this way sometimes by Doms and the Doms didn't mean any harm. Because of that, Harry could never decipher if he was being talked down simply because of his submissive classification, or if it was due to his disability.

More often than not, he’d get talked down to and babied when he sat in his wheelchair more than when he used his crutches. For some odd reason, many able-bodied people were under the false impression that physically disabled people also had a mental impairment in addition to their other limitations. It was absolutely maddening, but there wasn't anything Harry could do about it. As a submissive and just a good person, he didn't feel comfortable being rude to anybody, so he just let it slide.

Now, though, he had his very own Dominant there to protect him.

Louis seemed to understand Harry's uncomfortableness because he eyed the boy through his peripheral vision and steered the conversation another way. “Yes, well, we best be getting up to my flat; we've a lot to discuss,” he told her politely, giving her a tight-lipped smile. “Have a nice day, now, Lacey.”

The woman waved goodbye nicely, not noticing anything wrong or awkward, thankfully.

“Ugh,” Harry groaned on the elevator up to Louis’ flat. “Didn't like her.”

“I'm sorry, Harry,” Louis apologized again. “I feel like a bad Dom. I've apologized for two mistakes I've made already, today, and we haven't even been matched for two hours.” The man sighed and looked down, shaking his head almost in disgust with himself.

“No,” Harry protested right away. “You've been great so far. Please don't give up,” he pleaded, placing a hand on his Dom’s arm briefly before he returned it to his crutches so he could stand steadier.

“Oh, no, no,” Louis assured. “I'm not leaving you — I promise. I just want to be a good, careful Dom for you.”

“And you have been,” Harry promised. “You've been perfect. I can't wait to spend more time with you as your sub,” he admitted, a blush taking over his cheeks.

“I'm glad,” Louis said, feeling relieved. “Was it her condescending tone that bothered you?” he couldn't help but ask.

“Uh, yes, Sir,” Harry answered, a frown taking over his lips.

The Dom nodded. “We won't be talking to her voluntarily anymore, then. I can see why how she spoke to you would be irritating and hurtful,” he agreed.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened, prompting the Dom and sub to exit while they continued to talk.

“Thank you for telling me, Harry,” Louis added, a smile taking over his face. “I just needed to know in order to keep you safe,” the man said seriously. “Let's have the grand tour, now,” he declared, stopping in front of what Harry assumed was his flat and unlocking the door.

“Yes, Sir,” Harry said happily. What lay behind the door was going to be his new home the next day, where he would spend the rest of his life with Louis, his very own Dom. Where he would be cared for, disciplined, and eventually loved. He shivered at the thought of all those things taking place there, starting just in less than 24 hours.

Louis’ flat was nice for a med student, with two bedrooms, a kitchen with an attached dining room, a living room, and a full porch. Considering Louis and his parents were also throwing out money to pay for his education, his flat was impressive. The sub was also immensely thankful that Louis’ bedrooms were on the same level as everything else, his flat only having one story. The entire setup was perfect for them, especially Harry, because stairs would've been doable, but they also would've been a nuisance all the same.

“This is so awesome,” Harry said with awe. “I'll live here?” he clarified again, almost as if to make sure everything that had happened to him in the last few hours had been real and not a dream.

The Dom laughed fondly. “Of course, Harry, you'll live here,” he reassured, placing a comforting hand on the boy’s shoulder and leading him into the living room. “Let's go sit and talk.”

Harry knew more of the boring but necessary stuff was going to come up at some point, and he supposed that was now. Louis sat next to him on the loveseat and pulled out Harry's documents from his bag.

“What else do we need to talk about?” Harry wondered with a frown. “I thought we got everything.”

Louis shook his head. “We've gotten nearly everything, but there are still a few more things I'd like to discuss with you.”

“All right, Sir.” Harry fidgeted a little on the couch, kind of nervous. He didn't know why, but he supposed it was due to the fact he had no idea what they'd be discussing.

Thankfully, it wasn't anything embarrassing or bad.

“I just want to know if there are any accommodations you'll need here. Do you have anything built specifically at your house? Because if you do, I'll redo it here, just for you,” Louis promised sincerely.

Harry's eyes bulged out of his head. His Dominant was willing to do this for him? 

"No, Sir,” he replied. "Although I'm so thankful for your offer, I just use a shower chair. If I think of anything else, I'll tell you," he replied. 

"Okay — that's perfect. Next, I just want to have you sign our contract and agree to all the rules and expectations we talked about and went over earlier,” Louis explained, placing the documents in front of Harry on the coffee table. “This contract basically consists of your test plus mine, with an attached place to sign.” The man pointed to the line on the very last page of the packet.

“Okay, Sir,” Harry said with a nod. “I'll sign it — I want to be with you,” he told the man easily, scribbling his signature as neatly as he could on the line. Louis followed him shortly after, a sweet smile overtaking his features as he did so.

“I'd say this calls for a celebratory dinner,” Louis announced, standing up and brushing his jeans off as he did so. He took Harry's hand and helped stand him up, the boy grabbing his crutches afterwards.

“Where are we going?” Harry asked excitedly.

“Where would you like to go?” the Dom asked, genuinely wanting his sub’s opinion, unlike most Doms. He really did care.

“Hmm,” Harry hummed briefly in thought. “That good Italian place up the street?” he suggested, shrugging his shoulders.

“Sounds perfect,” Louis agreed, opening the front door and gesturing for Harry to exit before him.

Such a gentleman, Harry thought happily.

“If you're ever too tired and want to leave, I want you to tell me, okay?” the Dom checked with the teen. “If you don't, I'll give you a small punishment, because that would classify as lying. All right?”

“Yes, Sir,” Harry replied with a nod, because that all did sound reasonable to him. He knew Louis wouldn't punish him if he didn't deserve it.

“Good boy,” Louis praised, following Harry out of the elevator when the doors opened.

Harry preened at the praise, blush coating his soft cheeks. Praise was essential to living life as a submissive, because subs craved it and needed reassurance constantly. His Dom had already been doing a wonderful job of that, as he should’ve been.

The couple paid no mind to Lacey, who still sat in her rightful place at the front desk. Louis hoped she would get the message, and thankfully, she did, because she simply smiled and didn't bother them with any rude statements.

When they arrived at the restaurant, Louis requested the hostess seat them in a booth for more privacy and comfortable seats for Harry. The woman smiled and obeyed Louis’ request, choosing not to say anything about Harry's disability, which Harry was, once again, grateful for. Believe it or not, even though everyone was classified as either a Dom or a sub, Harry still received asinine questions from ignorant people about his capability of being a submissive. He always liked to tell himself they were never trying to be rude, but that wasn't always the case, sadly. Many Dominants enjoyed ridiculing submissives just for the hell of it, because they were cruel, nasty people, and Harry was, for sure, the perfect target for these people.

He shook the thoughts out of his head when Louis spoke. “I'll be ordering for you,” he informed the boy. “Want to make sure you're eating healthy.” The man flashed his pearly whites.

Harry faked offense. “Sir, I’m always healthy!” he exclaimed. “I’ve done juice cleanses before,” he admitted sheepishly.

The Dom shook his head in mock disbelief. “Silly boy,” he teased, scanning the menu. “Lets order simple Italian flatbread,” he said. “Sound good?”

Harry nodded in agreement. “Yum,” he commented, closing his menu and taking a sip of his water. “Where's our waiter?” It seemed like they'd been waiting forever, in his opinion.

Of course, just as he'd chosen to say that, their waiter showed up. Harry desperately hoped he hadn’t heard him.

Luck was on his side, because the young man seemed cheerful and eager to serve them. He wore a beautiful collar around his neck, with blue lace trim and a black tag. Harry was almost jealous of the gorgeous jewelry he'd earned from his Dom, but he reminded himself he was just as capable himself of earning such an honorable item from his own Dominant.

“Zayn!” Louis exclaimed when the boy came up. “Long time no see! How are you?”

“I'm great, Louis! Wow, can't believe you're here!” Zayn said happily. “And you've got a sub! Hi, I'm Zayn,” he introduced himself politely, shaking Harry's hand respectfully. His Dom had apparently taught him excellent manners.

“Hello,” Harry replied quietly, returning the handshake. “Good to meet you.” He fidgeted nervously. Hopefully there would be no more rude comments. The boy seemed nice and Harry got good vibes from him, but he'd learned that he could never be so certain of how someone would act around him.

Louis directed his attention towards him. “Zayn’s Dom, Liam, is in medical school with me,” he explained. “I bet you and Zayn will become great friends.”

Harry's eyes lit up in interest at that prospect. Having a new friend sounded unbelievably nice, and he quite liked Zayn, he quickly decided. “I’d love that,” he said with a dimpled smile.

“Me too!” Zany agreed. “Alright. What can I get for you?”

“Just the traditional Italian pizza,” Louis ordered, handing Zayn their menus. “Thanks, Zayn!”

The other sub nodded and smiled, walking off back to the kitchen.

“He seems sweet,” Harry commented once they were alone again.

“He is,” Louis agreed. “Very nice boy.”

There was a bit of an awkward silence before Louis spoke up again. “I've had an amazing day, Haz,” he told the sub sweetly, letting the nickname he'd come up with slip from his lips without a second thought.

“Haz?” Harry questioned with a small smirk. “I quite like that. And I have, too, Sir,” he added, meaning every word he said. “You've been absolutely wonderful and so kind.”

“Tomorrow will be even more exciting,” Louis said, sipping his water. “I can't wait.”

“Me, either, Sir.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! 
> 
> This chapter has some very important aspects to a disabled person's life that I hope you guys can come to understand! It's kind of an informative and angsty chapter, but there is plot! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy! :)

"And you'll take perfect care of him?”

Harry sighed in exasperation, looking to Louis for help. They'd been at his mum’s house for the past twenty minutes or so, and ever since they'd arrived, Harry's mum would not stop interrogating Louis. Harry understood that she was his mum and she just wanted to make sure her son would be safe because she loved him, but he couldn't help but feel like he was overly coddled. Once again, he found himself not knowing whether the treatment he was receiving was due to his submissive classification or his disability.

When Harry's older sister, Gemma, had been matched a few years ago, their mum didn't treat her this way. Gemma was a Domme, so that could've been why, but Harry couldn't help but feel a little irritated with his mother’s behaviour.

“Mum,” Harry said and let out a huff, not giving Louis the chance to answer — even though the question had been directed at him. “I'll be absolutely fine; Louis is the perfect Dom for me.”

“He’s in good hands,” Louis assured the woman, running his thumb over Harry's hand lightly, almost as if emphasizing his previous statement. “I promise.”

Anne still looked a bit unsure. “Okay, if you say so,” she finally relented, but there was still a frown on her face.

“What's bothering you, mum?” Harry asked, scooting over a bit so he could wrap a comforting arm around her. “I don't remember you acting like this when Gemma left.”

Biting her lip uncertainly, Anne said, “Well, it's just with your disability and all, it's harder for me to trust your Dom to take good care of you.”

Louis watched anxiously as Harry's jaw went slack. The Dom knew that comment was sure to irk Harry to no end, especially because of their conversation they'd had in the elevator the day before. He bit the inside of his cheek, nervous as to what was going to happen.

“Just because I'm disabled doesn't mean I can't do things for myself!” Harry exclaimed, his voice dangerously close to a shout. “I don't need to be treated like I'm a little kid who can't do anything for themselves! Disabled submissive or not, I’ll still be me! Don't you understand that?” he asked, face turning red from anger and sadness.

Anne shrank back at being yelled at, greatly disliking this situation. As a submissive, she didn't feel comfortable confronting her son in front of the boy’s Dominant, so she looked to the man in question helplessly.

Louis wrapped an arm around Harry's waist and gently directed his head to the crook of his neck, rocking them back and forth.

Memories of Harry's step dad and his mum’s ex-Dom were coming back to him, as the cruel man had drilled into Harry's head that he couldn't possibly be an adequate submissive with his limitations.

Harry didn't want to talk about his past with the man in front of his mum, however, because he didn't want to provoke any bad memories for her, either. So he settled with voicing his thoughts subtly. “I'll still be me,” Harry whispered to no one in particular. He seemed to be convincing himself of this fact.

“Shhh,” Louis soothed, running his hands through Harry's curls slowly. “You're a very good boy.”

“Thank you,” Harry said, wiping his face. “‘M sorry for yelling.”

Louis looked stern. “We'll talk more about this later,” he said, gripping Harry's chin with his fingers firmly. “But it’s not me who you need to apologize to, yeah?” he reminded, indicating Anne.

Harry nodded sadly and looked at his mum, who was looking down at her lap sadly. Guilt suddenly overtook the sub, and he leaned over to give her a big hug. “‘M sorry, mum,” he said, letting out a sniffle. “I know you didn't mean it that way; you just love me.” He kissed her sweetly on the lips, staring into her eyes intently.

“You're exactly right, Harry,” Anne said, a soft smile overtaking her features. “I just worry for you, you know? You're my baby boy.” She kissed his cheek affectionately.

“I know,” Harry replied, biting his lip before he spoke again. He wasn't sure what his Dom or his mum would think of his next words. “But … I've always felt like you just treat me differently than Gemma,” he finally forced out, clamping his teeth down on the inside of his cheek harshly.

Louis gave Harry a warning look, wanting to make sure the boy wouldn't say anything harmful. Harry turned towards the older man and gave him a knowing look, wanting the Dom to understand he wasn't meaning any harm.

“Oh Harry,” Anne said sympathetically. “I never meant to do that … it's just—I thought you needed some more protection.” She ran her hand through her hair in nervousness, realizing her statement could've come out the wrong way.

“I just said that my disability doesn't mean I need extra comfort! Why can't anybody understand that?!” Harry exclaimed, standing up without his arm crutches and stomping his foot down — really his only way of showing his anger physically.

The blue-eyed Dom looked extremely concerned. “Haz,” he began, “I think you should sit down next to me and calm down, now.” He gently grabbed Harry's wrist and directed him towards the couch.

“This is exactly what I'm talking about!” Harry snapped, now at both his mum and Dom — he was asking for trouble. “All the stupid coddling — I can make my own decisions.” His voice quieted towards the end of his vent, almost as if he had realized how inappropriately he spoke out of turn.

“I think you need to be quiet,” Louis ordered Harry in his Dom voice, though he wasn't unkind.

Harry obeyed, taking a deep breath, because it was a direct order, after all. He knew he hadn't been very polite in his voicing his concerns, but it needed to be done before he exploded with how much he couldn't take the behaviour directed towards him anymore.

“‘M sorry, Sir,” Harry apologized, wiping his face with his hands and leaning into his Dominant’s chest sadly.

Louis nodded solemnly. “Thank you, but I think you owe your mum yet another apology,” he said, lightly tapping Harry's back so he'd sit up and do as he was told.

“Yes, Sir,” Harry replied, hugging his mum again and letting his emotions out. “I'm sorry, mum! I'm just stressed and worried about having a disability and being a submissive and …” he paused, sensing he was about to get worked up again, and he didn't want that.

Anne rubbed his back soothingly. “Love, all of that is completely understandable,” she told him understandingly. “But I think that's something for you and your Dom to discuss together.” She directed a pointed look at Louis. “I'm sorry as well.”

“Okay.” Harry took in a sharp breath, thinking over what had just happened. He yelled at his mum over something that was bothering him, but he could've done it politely. Then, he added his own Dom into the mix, and yelled at him, too. Guilt overtook him, because now, he was most likely going to get punished, and he was just moving into his Dom’s house! He felt terrible.

Louis allowed the mother and son to comfort each other and apologize, before he stepped in when it was time to gather Harry's things and move him into his house. “I do apologize for leaving so soon, but our movers will be at my home in a few minutes,” he said sympathetically. “We’ll have to come back and visit another time, with hopefully no distractions.”

Harry blushed at his Dom's words, feeling bad that he ruined their visit.

“That's perfectly all right,” Anne said with a smile. “I love you, Harry. Be a good boy, okay?” She placed a kiss on his cheek again and handed Harry his crutches so he could follow Louis out of the house.

“Love you, too,” Harry murmured, taking his crutches from her without a word and allowing Louis to walk beside him outside, where the moving truck was already full of Harry's things.

In the car with the moving truck following behind them, Harry felt extremely embarrassed. He had no idea what had come over him with his terrible attitude; he'd just felt so incredibly frustrated — with everything. His new life as a disabled submissive would be somewhat difficult, he knew, and he guessed he was a bit nervous. The right thing to do would've been to talk to Louis about his concerns, but he still felt like no one would understand.

It was dead silent until Louis spoke up.

“Do you have any reason for why your outburst happened right then?” he asked, keeping his eyes on the road and showing no particular emotions.

Harry stayed silent, thinking over what to say. He so desperately wanted to have a reason, but he didn't.

“Well?”

The sub jumped, realizing he'd taken too long to reply. “Um,” he said, “no, Sir.”

Louis nodded, but didn't say anything further until they arrived at his house, which made the younger boy even more nervous. He didn't know if he would be punished, or if Louis was upset with him, or if anything concerning the previous incident would even occur once they set foot inside. If he was lucky, the incident could be forgotten for good.

But just to his luck, Louis snapped his fingers and wordlessly pointed at the couch, a silent command for Harry to sit so they could talk.

Part of him wished that Louis and him could've forgotten, but the other part of him knew that it was for the best that it wasn't. If his Dom simply ignored his behaviour, he wouldn't be doing his job of caring for, disciplining, and loving Harry correctly. And Harry wanted him to do all those things.

The sub bit his lip but crutched over to the indicated seat, propping his crutches against the couch as he sat down quietly.

“Let's talk about what happened today,” Louis suggested, sitting across from Harry in the living room.

“Okay,” Harry agreed, knowing exactly where this was going. He swallowed nervously.

“Your feelings were obviously pent up inside from many years before,” the Dom observed. “Do you mind telling me what brought them back up now? Was it being matched with me?” The Dom looked slightly upset.

“No, no, no,” Harry said instantly, shaking his head in denial. “No, Sir. It has nothing to do with you, or even getting matched for that matter. It's just …” he fiddled with his crutches uncertainly. “My mum’s ex-Dom used to tell me that I wouldn't be able to be a submissive because of my cerebral palsy.” He bit his lip, waiting for Louis’ impending reaction. The Dom would probably tell him that his step dad was right — that he could never be a suitable submissive with his CP.

Unsurprisingly, Louis disagreed. “Oh, Haz. You know that's not true. I know from medical school that many disabled submissives have similar experiences such as this, and I want you to know that we're looking to change that,” he encouraged. “Yes, we will definitely have to do things differently than most couples, but that is perfectly okay with me, so long as it's perfectly okay with you. Understand?”

“Yes, Sir,” Harry said with a nod. “I just needed to get my emotions out, and I guess … that was my terrible way of doing that.”

The Dom leveled Harry with a stern look. “You'll have to work on that,” he said firmly. “You know you may always talk about your feelings with me, yeah? In fact, I'm going to add a rule—with your consent, of course—that you must tell me your emotions at the end of each day at the minimum. However, I'd prefer you share your feelings with me when you're experiencing them. Understand?”

“Yes, Sir. That sounds fair,” Harry affirmed, nodding his head in confirmation. “I'm so sorry about earlier; I feel so guilty. I know I didn't handle everything right.” He looked down in shame.

Louis nodded firmly. “That brings me to what I wanted to discuss with you next,” he told the boy. “How could you have let your emotions be known more appropriately?”

Harry looked deep in thought. He wanted to say the right thing — he wanted to be the best submissive he could be for his Dom. So, he gave his best answer. “I could've voiced my emotions in a calm manner, and found a more appropriate occasion to do so. I also could've spoken more politely.”

“Correct,” Louis replied, still looking quite serious. “And why were these actions inappropriate?”

The sub had a feeling he knew where this was going. He knew punishments were inevitable when it came to Dom/sub relationships, but that didn't mean he was looking forward to receiving his first one! However, he tried to remind himself that there had to be a first time for everything, and now was going to be his first punishment.

Harry desperately tried to refrain from letting his tears fall — he wasn't going to allow himself to look weak anymore. “Because I was rude and disrespectful, and didn't think before I spoke.”

Louis nodded again. “Mhm,” he hummed, rubbing his stubble with his fingers in thought. “You'll be receiving your first discipline for this, but nothing too harsh — don't worry. And if the task I assign you is something that could be difficult for you, I want you to tell me. Not because I'm coddling you, but because it's my duty, as your Dom, to protect you and keep your safe. Understood?”

“Yes, Sir.” The sub took in a deep breath and wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans, trying not to show how nervous he was. “‘M sorry,” he repeated, though not to get out of being disciplined — he really was regretful of his actions.

Louis ignored his apology, however, and instead dove right in and began explaining Harry's punishment. “I would like you to voice the line, ‘I will be respectful to everyone and tell my Dom my emotions’ fifty times, because I know writing it out could tire you out much too easily. The goal here isn't exactly to tire you, though it may get boring. It's to make you think.”

Harry's eyes widened slightly, though not in surprise. This punishment seemed fairly lenient to him, but it was his first one. “Yes, Sir,” he agreed, because he could do this.

“This punishment is doable?” Louis checked, raising his eyebrows in question. “Because if it's not—”

The sub shook his head. “It is, Sir. Please don't worry.”

“All right,” Louis agreed, crossing his arms over his chest sternly. “Colour?”

“Green,” Harry answered right away, because he could do this. He'd be fine.

“Good boy,” the Dom praised, making Harry preen temporarily. “Remember, you are welcome to use your colours if you need them. Okay?”

Harry nodded silently, squirming in his spot on the couch in anticipation. “Yes, Sir.”

“Good,” Louis said, leaning back in his seat. “I want complete, full sentences, but you may take however long you need. Eye contact would be nice as well. I want you to say the number of the sentence after you've repeated your line, as well,” he ordered, gesturing for Harry to begin.

“Yes, Sir.” Harry took a deep breath, maintaining eye contact as instructed, and spoke his first line. “I will be respectful to everyone and tell my Dom my emotions,” he said, his voice a bit difficult to understand due to his impediment, but it was nothing compared to when he was angry — his speech always slurred more when he was upset. “One.”

Louis nodded in affirmation for him to continue.

“I will be respectful to everyone and tell my Dom my emotions,” he repeated, looking directly into Louis’ cerulean blue eyes. He hated the disappointment he could see behind them, but he knew all would be forgiven when he was done reciting his lines. “Two.”

As Harry continued repeating his given sentence, he realized that this was, in fact, a torturous punishment. By saying these words over and over, they became ingrained in his mind. He wasn't sure if he would ever be able to forget these words he kept saying over and over, and he knew that was the point. The words Louis had specifically chosen were important, and he wanted Harry to remember them.

“I will be respectful to everyone and tell my Dom my emotions,” he spoke, Louis’ stern blue eyes staring deeply into his own green ones. “Three.” He took a deep breath in concentration, not wanting to forget the exact words he was to say or the number he was on.

By the time he reached thirty, he was beginning to become out of breath. He didn't even need to tell Louis, because the attentive Dom noticed immediately. “Let's stop there,” he suggested, getting up and cuddling Harry tightly. “You were getting a bit out of breath there, hmm?”

Harry nodded slowly. “Yes, Sir. I'm sorry I couldn't finish,” he said, feeling disappointed in himself.

“No, no,” Louis said, tilting Harry's chin up carefully with his fingers. “We’re learning your limits here, all right? Now I know not to assign you more than thirty lines to repeat. This is a process.”

“Okay, Sir. Thank you for disciplining me, Sir,” he said, cheeks a bright pink.

Louis smiled. “What did you learn?”

“That I should always be respectful and tell you when something is bothering me,” he said, biting his lip. He hoped that was the answer Louis was looking for.

“Exactly,” the Dom said, booping Harry's nose sweetly. “Good boy. Now tell me, how are you feeling right now?” he asked curiously, eager to see if his chosen discipline had had the desired impact on his submissive.

Harry furrowed his eyebrows in thought. “Um, tired, guilty, and loved,” he said, blushing madly at his last answer.

Louis cracked a smile. “I understand your fatigue — this was both a physically and mentally challenging day for you. But I want you to know that you do not need to feel guilty anymore; your punishment has been administered, and you're forgiven,” he explained, looking very serious on this matter. “Feeling loved was my intention, though, my dear. How are you feeling loved?” he asked, a large grin taking over his features.

“Because you care enough to punish me, and you're being very sweet and caring,” Harry admitted, turning his face to the side in embarrassment.

The Dom chuckled. “That's the point. I'm glad I'm doing my job, my love. Let's cuddle and watch some TV before we unpack, yeah? The movers already brought everything in.”

Harry giggled at Louis’ words, snuggling further into his Dom. He needed all the love and comfort he could obtain after his punishment, and Louis was giving him just that. “Sounds wonderful.”

“Just like you,” the Dom commented cutely, running his fingers sweetly through his boy’s curls, finding more and more things he was already growing to love about his sweet match.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> Comment and kudos? :)


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